A little bit anxious.
Okay, I lie, maybe more than a little bit.
As a first year student in college dipping her toes into the whirlwind that is finals, I am quite literally hugging anxiety. I admit, the waves of fear are getting pretty high...and to see that/feel incapable of doing anything about it, is altogether discouraging and shameful. Funny thing is, I thought I was doing a pretty darn good job at keeping my worries at bay during the academic year.
.....key phrase, "I thought." wow. How can I bring all this back to me again? How can I even thinking that "I" was doing a good job at anything.
When I realized that I was still attributing so many personal successes to myself, I broke. I mean..I'm already broken. Anything that remains pure in my life is all through His grace. But almost every time, I choose to keep running around this vicious circle. A circle that highlights and expands my fears and failures. A circle that says "I" got it all under control and nobody else can help me.
But you know what breaks me even more? That every single time I cannot look at myself, that I'm drowning in my own shame and dirt...He tells me how much He loves me. He tells me to come to Him. He tells me to lay it all down at His feet. He sends forth strength and peace. And he forgives me.
This grace is
overwhelming. And everyday, I pray and choose to redeem it.
Thank you Lord, thank you for embracing me in all my sins.
I am so grateful to be your unworthy but not worthless daughter.
